Its been a while..

Hi guys,

Its been a while, like long long long while since i updated my blog. Dont even know if i still have an audience. haha. but i miss blogging. i miss venting my heart out here, and just letting my emotions out thru my writing, my philosophies, my poems, my melodrama stories of life and how hard life is, and how beautiful love is..

its been a hectic time for me, going through what i did overseas, finishing my degree.. cant wait to graduate, on 17th of march. It took me 2 years of hard work and effort to learn the harsh facts of life, but at the same time, ironically it was during my hardest and worst times that i learnt the best things. things took a real change for me, when i was about to finish my last semester. i was sick of the pathetic love life i had then, and sick of myself always being so dependent on others. i made up my mind right there and then, one night when i was alone in the darkness of my room, crying my eyeballs out for the last pity-myself time that i had.

life was hard, life was cruel, and people betray you, but what can you do but change? everything in life is so predictable, and yet it is not. we expect this much, but dont want to give out anything. everyone changes but nothing really changes at all. time passes but its always in this constant continuum, who notices anything anyway? unless something dramatic happens like death. thats the only constant thing besides change. death and change. those are the only two things in this world that's constant.

well nuff said about what i went thru. i am finally almost on the way to achieving a goal i held on to since i was 15. to get out of spore and start a life in australia. i studied there, and now im going back there to work, and apply for my PR. in the meanwhile, im saving up for my Masters in Speech Pathology. There is where I will learn my 2 most fav things in the world, Psychology and Communication and at the same time accomplish my life goal which is to help others in a positive way. I am glad that my goals or my life has led me here, to accomplish your goals is one thing, but to actually be able to love what you're doing and not just achieve a goal, now thats something. Cos sometimes, we can plan for goals, work so hard for it, and finally when we get it, we realize we dont want it anymore, and we start this futile search again.

But before we can even be happy in our goals or what we choose, we must first accept ourselves for who we are. To find that inner peace and happiness, to learn to love ourselves for exactly who we are. And when we can so amazingly align our love, our goals with God's plans and love for us, life really becomes so much more meaningful and you start having this whole dynamic shift into the more deeper things in life, and not the shallow, superficial things.

I nearly gave up on myself, but i managed to get out of it at the very end. I received hope. and faith, and in Him, i found what was missing in my life for so long.

And finally, i found someone who was unexpected. someone who i never thought i'd choose or be with. but for him to not just love me, sometimes all we are really searching for is compatibility and companionship. And i so amazingly found that. Love is innocent; the world is not.

Things are going well, as I pack my bags to leave for Perth this Sat.

To all that has happened for/to me, it was only thru God's grace and love for me that I am still standing in awesome awe of Him.

I look forward to more blessings in my life.

XOXO

To look ahead..

To believe in whats unseen
To never give up, always keen
To look up high in the sky,
To know that hope is never far.

To always be assured of goodness,
That can happen, like love.
Though we struggle in this indifferent world,
Yearn for all that's pure and true,
For knowledge is food for the soul in you.

To press on towards even if all looks bleak
Even when we are doubted and weak
When no one trusts you,
To remain strong amidst it all

We cannot forsee whats ahead
We may regret whats left behind
But whats in the present is a gift
No one else can take or lift.

Its all up to you to stand.
All up to you to be strong and fend
But believe always in whats above
What we have is He who loves.

I move on knowing He is watching my every step
Making me go on in life like a map
What He puts me to,
He will pull me through.

Don't be afraid to stumble and fall,
For its during our worst, we learn the best.
No one can make you lower then the rest
Only if you allow them to infest.

Look forward for life is full of dreams
And hopes, and things yet to be seen
We can only do our most and
Smell the roses as we go
Stay happy and be different
Be spirit affluent
And dare to be bold
To risk the untold.
Mistakes are inevitable
The important thing is to never slow down.
And to always be incredible.

Desiderata

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

My Epiphany

Everything was meant for a purpose and everything happens for a reason. Dreams do come true and sometimes when we're faced with obstacles, faced with adversity, and faced with the troubles of life, always remember that things happen for a reason. And most of the time, it happens for the best. Destiny, fate and faith, there are much bigger things out there which you don't even realize. And before you find for whats out there, search within your own self. Only then will you realize, nothing out there is bigger as compared to what you have within. You could change the world if you wanted to, if you chose to. Nothing is unreachable, or unattainable or impossible. Everything and anything can be done, if you choose to, if you want to. Nothing and no one can tell you otherwise, when you set your own dreams. And when you do, guard it and protect it with all your life, because there will be envious and jealous and insincere people out there who see the courage in you and feel threatened by you and hope that you fail so it can make them feel good about themselves for being cowards.

We cant define what others think of us, and most of the time, we cannot change the situation we're in. But there's one thing you can define and change, and that is yourself. If you have yourself to rely on, to depend on, and to believe in, nothing and no one can tear you down. You could transform your life into something so huge you could not even begin to imagine and you cannot even comprehend. All it takes is a little bit of faith and trust. You could choose to remain steadfast and positive because life is about choices and we live by the choices we make. Dont be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble even, cos its during our worst times that we learn the best things.

When you choose to believe in all the things life has to offer you, life is simply life. For without life, there's no meaning, without meaning, there's no soul. Without struggles, there's no fighting, without dreams, there's no believing, without hardship, there's no courage, and without love, there's nothing. Choose and make that decision, for one day, when you look back, you can smile and know that no matter how bad life can get, the beauty of it is in the attempt. That you tried at least even when you had your world turned upside down, you tried even when everything else failed. You tried and did not give up. Life will have its own way of working out. We are all unique and special, and when you look back you will see that life has meaning. And life makes us human. And when you truly believe in your purpose in life, there is eternity and gifts that you cant even imagine. And your heart will be filled with so much joy, blessings and love that it overflows.

When you look into the mirror, who are you? And who have you become, or who do you want to be? We are our own best friends and our own worst enemies. Faith makes you believe in the unseen. So when you see who you are, and love who you've become, dun stop. Cos life is a journey, and the best part is in the destination. <3

Our Love

It was a time of doubt and fear.
A time where I thought sadness was always near.
A time when I knew that happiness wasn’t mine.
As much as I wanted, happiness I could not find.

I believed for so long that loneliness and misery,
Was for no one else but me.
I believed that I wasn’t a person enough to be,
I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy.

Those nights that I cradled myself to sleep,
Not believing in the world as I weep,
I cried silently asking God,
Why it was me He had forgot.

I became obsessive about being wanted,
That I took myself and others for granted.
I thought that being misery was part of the game,
Life was nothing but hurt and pain.

I didn’t think that for once I knew,
What I wanted or what was due.
I just walked every day, lost.
Desperate to the very last cost

The people I met,
All felt like puppets,
Not leading me or showing me
But instead forcing strings on me.

When they came and life was still,
I always felt finally it’s my will.
But they always turn their backs on me.
And left me there to bleed.

I had every ounce to give it all up.
To focus on being single and unloved,
To pretend that life isn’t right,
That life was just a crooked curve.

When I first met you, I was wary.
Because the world made things blurry.
I asked for nothing and expected nothing.
But it was the start of something.

I looked at you with hopelessness,
But somehow u brought me out of my darkness.
When you spoke words to me that made me feel,
I can be me again, this is real.

You gave me light touches and simple gestures
We laughed and joked and until it matches.
Suddenly I felt like this was the beginning,
Of something so dear and everlasting.

Still, I did not trust the feeling,
Because what I felt for so long was nothing endearing
I thought I was delusional and naive.
Why would I deserve this gift?

Days went by and I got more scared.
But somehow you always still cared.
You had no qualms about the way you felt.
My bitterness started to melt.

Tough as it was when it first started,
But then now, we have lasted.
Every day I see something new,
Every day all I want is you.

When u speak words of wisdom and courage,
I know that I can depend on you for my baggage.
I know that even though when I ain’t pretty,
You’d still hold my hand and kiss me silly.

You brought me out of my dark place.
Together with God, you made me feel me again.
No matter what the case,
I know that loving u is nothing of a game.

You showered me with love so strong and pure.
You took me in, and from far you adored.
You overlooked my past and mistakes,
You never asked to be in 2nd place.

You gave your heart to me and I took it in,
And now I know I have you within.
As God continues to show us true love,
I wasn’t forgotten about after all, from above.

You and I share something so special,
Something so unique it’s incredible.
When darkness descends I am no longer alone,
Hardships is inevitable but intentional hurt is gone.

Thank you for being you, for loving me.
For showing the way of hope and peace.
For giving me faith once again.
That love is patient to those who sustain.

Now the world is a place for me.
No longer hiding, need no longer flee.
With you by my side,
Everything bad will subside.

As we move on into a shared path,
Let’s share more jokes and laughs
Let’s cry and hold each other tight
Let’s not give up even when we fight

Love is patient and kind,
Love is truthful I find
And when you know this is it,
Nothing else will fit.
And you have found the one.

Love

Time is sacrifice, and sacrifice is love, so time is love. When you love something you take time, when you sacrifice time, you love. Love is without fear. Love is trust. Love does not measure against time. Love isnt measured in units. It is infinite. Love believes in being bigger than we are. Love is undefined. Love is incomprehensible. Love equals work. Love is eternal. Love isnt a question, love is the answer. Love has no restrictions, no limitations. Love is unconditional, unbiased. Love is not measured in words, it is measured in actions. Love serves, love is labour, love is effort. Love is everlasting, love is forever. Love is significant, love is full, wholehearted. Love aspires to be honest and truthful. Love respects. Love does not judge. Love is a mission. Love is compassion. Love is genuine. Love is courageous. Love is finding opportunities to give more than receive. Love is strength. And with love, anything is possible, it becomes coherent, it becomes a blessing, it becomes hope. Love becomes faith. Love, is everything.

And I love you. Not by what we have, not by what we are, not by what we do, not by what we want. Love is who we are, love is what we can. With love, I know I can believe again. For love, is not just for lovers, but love is for ourselves too. Love gives me a chance to forgive, to cry, to laugh, to care, to support, to give all we got.

Cos in life, thats all we can do. Our best. Our lives are measured by what we do, not what others can do for us. For believing in me, for loving me, for showing me what we as humans can enjoy in this temporary world, that is the best gift of all.

Love is you and I, with God always close by. And without love, we are all but empty vessels, empty shells. Love fills us whole, and only love can makes us feel this way. Only love.

The world can be full of ups and down, people can be evil and mean, money may rule certain things, we may need to face difficult decisions, we may have nothing but transgressions, but with love, we wont succumb. We can be free. We can be us. Love has no boundaries and sets no boundaries.

A Day of Hope

Today was one of those days, one of those days where you go out without planning it, go out with no agenda, no mindset to do anything but just go wherever the wind takes you. The sunny day today was too hard for me to resist, dressed in my new white coat, i took today like one of those days where i let my mind wander, let my soul breathe and just let myself free. I followed wherever my heart went, turned at any turning, walked randomly around, basking in the hot sun, under a winter sky. The sky was baby blue with white clouds just drifting by ever so slowly, as if it understood that today was my day, and it wanted to follow my mood too by swiftly going by, lured too by the rays of the sun, shining down like diamonds from the sky. It has been a really long time since i felt this free, this light. The feeling of freedom is sweet, the feeling of independence, the feeling of knowing you're doing the right thing finally. And nothing and no one could ruin my day. The walk ard the cultural center opened up my mind and my creative juices were allowed to flow. I felt like i could have painted a self portrait or written a novel, it was inspirational just watching the fellow art lovers, dressed in their ever so artsy-fartsy clothes. With old men sitting at benches, newspapers spread over them like some huge map. The students walking by following a leader, like chicks following the mother hen. The soft symphony of the trumpet being played in the background by the busker. It was all so peaceful, the sense of gratitude i had, the sense of art in tuned with my body and mind in perfect synchrony and poetry.

I then finished taking my pictures and was satisfied, seeing the sun still inviting me to its warmth, i decided to head down to my most fav place in Perth, Fremantle, otherwise known as Freo. The tapestry of people that filled the heavily olden century decorated buildings, the young couples, kids and seniors that populated the little boutiques, markets, old churches and old hotels. Even as i snapped at every building, all i was thinking of was how romantic each building looked like, how each building must have a great story behind it. I longed for a nice cup of tea as I sat and admired the architecture, but something in me just wanted to walk. And walk i did. I admired the seagulls, the parrots that were calling out to each other, in soft but clear calls, like loved ones calling out for each other. And even as I sat there, enjoying my day out, I felt so happy, just being out with no agenda, my full space and I could only think of how amazing God's creations are. Nature and serenity is something that I find peaceful here on Earth.

I enjoyed my day out today, having and finding my peace and heart for my soul. Today was one of those days. One of those days u only get in a long long time. But I'm glad i got today, cos i deserve a good day, a day where i can be free. And i deserve to be happy. Just like everyone else. Love is just such a beautiful thing, but you cant love unless you first love yourself. That was what today was about. Love. And freedom. (:

Everything - Lifehouse

I wish you could be my everything.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Love Story - Taylor Swift

sometimes, it is really true that we can find love in the most unexpected places. and sometimes for others, its also easier to think the worse of someone, to pretend that the person was wrong, so that it makes it easier to move on. but when u know u deserve to be happy no matter what, when u give urself that much respect and credit for everything that you are as a person, you wont stand for second place, and neither will you go on, knowing that you deserve so much more. it doesnt take a 4,5 yr endless fighting relationship to make u realise, in fact it should take at least a year or two for u to know if this is something worth fighting for, and when u step ur foot down and realise that you are the master of your life and destiny, no one can take that away from you. people will chide u, will make u feel small, guilty, but at the end of the day, you only have yourself and God to answer to. what other people think does not matter at all, cos people who cant accept their wrong, will always find something that is wrong with the entire world and everyone else, and never ever look at themselves. some people are just too self-centered, too self-obsessed and in that context, nothing and noone will ever be good enough for them.

when i decided to let go, and go for something that i never planned for, it turned out to be probably one of the best decisions in my life. no one might understand ur actions, but if you know in your heart that its right and true, no one can take that away from you. people can talk, but if you want to leave by other people's perceptions all the time, we are not living at all. sometimes, in order to have everything, we first have to lose everything. and when you least expect it, that can be one of the best thing that can ever happen to you.

its only been close to 3 weeks, but i've never felt so much happier, and myself. in a long time, i had suppressed everything abt me, just believing so much that if i could just be someone else, someone that im not, people will like me more. but the fact is, its a waste of the person i am, to want to be someone else.

we only have one shot of life. only us, as humans, can do so much. if we live our lives based on what others want or needs us to be, we arent living at all. i only need the most impt ppl to me. and letting go of what isnt meant to be mine, made me realise how much i appreciate myself more, and how much, love is still out there for me.

as for now, being with someone who makes me laugh, who makes me feel appreciated, who supports me, trusts me, is my companion and friend, someone who does not make me feel second place or small, someone who makes me feel needed, someone who isnt contradicting, someone who doesnt manipulate me, someone who cares abt me, someone who gives me what i deserve. thats all a girl should ask for. nothing less.

You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

Dreams And Memories Are For Losers

I rem the day when i stood by that bridge, looked u straight in ur eye and told u i was sorry for everything. And i cried doing so. U wiped my tears, hugged me and told me everything was going to be ok. I wished you were lying. It would have made things easier.

Its funny how i never ever hear a sorry for the 2 months of rejection and depression I got. Bcos at the end of the day its what u did right, and what i did wrong.

Thank you for making the one day I truly felt happy when i had full marks for my assignment complete.

If there was one person in the entire world i could trust to be happy for me, it was u. But again, maybe its just a lie.

Liars we all are, but admitters not everyone is.

I am just glad that in my conscious i am as honest as what my own God would want me to be. Maybe life is just about losers who prefer to lie and never tell, or do wrong and never admit. I rather have no one than have someone who thinks everyone is wrong always.

How selfish can one be to think that the world is against this person and that everybody is out to get that person, when that person doesnt realise how that person is doing more harm to others.

Here's one thing. Why should i care about things that dont matter, when things that matter dont care about me? Read my blog, check my facebook, keep my smses that makes u rem. Cos at the end, when u have something to defend urself and hold it against me u have all ur means. Some people would rather look forward to every single day that i am alive. That is something u can never take from me. My life and my soul.

Thank you. and God is always with me. Never forsaking me. Never leaving me. Thats all i need to know. Nothing else.

Live & Learn - The Cardigans

Life is like walking by the beach.
You may reach the end,
But the beauty is in the journey,
Which was always near and within reach.

Trusting is like flying a kite
Letting go bit by bit to fly high
But the strings can be pulled back
When in calls of distress.

Believing is like knowing that stars exist
They are hard to see indefinitely
But you know its out there at least
And you dont need to prove it is

Hope is like watching a bud grow
Out of a crack in a rock
No matter life's tribulations
There is always causes for celebrations

Faith is like being handed a caterpillar
When you asked for a butterfly
Its not about the initial being
Its about believing in time, in the unseen

Gratitude is like a warm afternoon on a spring day
There's only a finite warm afternoons to go
Appreciate all that comes and may
For time is moments ago.

Love is like a musical note
It plays the most beautiful tunes when played right
It is a something to be learnt with patience
Love isnt rushed, it is about relations.

Peace is like watching the young play
Its knowing that peace is attainable
From the simplest things measurable.

And with all that is there for humanity
What everyone needs is humility
For no one can be alone
No one can themselves atone
For mistakes that are there.
Humans are all but bare.
Reach out for time is scarce
Believe if you must.
Cos' all we need is hidden in moments
Miss it, and its gone forever.

Run - Leona Lewis

"Its like finding your perfect match. Someone who knows all your good and bad. Someone whom you dont have to hide yourself from. Someone who makes you feel safe. Love does not doubt anything. Love accepts everything. Love is finding your best friend." - Melinda Gordon, Ghost Whisperer.

Ive been having insomnia these couple of nights. Im not too stressed out about my exams. But i always feel like this at the end of my semester, when i am ready to go home. I always ask myself what have i done so far? what have i achieved so far? what problems do I have that I have yet to solve? And it keeps me awake knowing that another 6 months have passed. and i am still in the same rut. chasing something down. when there's nothing left anymore. i just wonder how i can be without you.

Its beautiful to be alive. to sense everything around you. To know that life is life with its prevails and entities. Life is full, and sometimes i think that memories are beautiful, if there wasnt a past to it. I can sense what is out there, something much bigger and better than I am. but when you've been thru life's prevails, and you know how much pain is out there, you cant help but hold on to things with dear life. when you had something for so long, letting go seems like im in a deep black hole, with a turbine at the bottom of the hole, and no matter how hard i try to climb out im stuck. its like i know that the light at the top is so wanting, so dear, but im not trying hard enough, bcos maybe subconsciously i like being in my black hole. sometimes just being alone is the best thing. you dont feel any hurt. you dont need to fight anymore. you dont need to answer to anyone. you dont need anyone. you're just there and noone cares.

I stay up thinking of the same thing that fills my head the whole day. the same thing which comes to my head first thing when i open my eyes. For now, my dreams seem better then reality. And i sometimes rather sleep and not wake up. On days when i see everything around me that is so incredible, I feel like there's these two driving opposite forces, driving people into conflicts. you can only appreciate beautiful things for one moment. then that moment is gone. I myself have opposing conflicts every single day. and i am sure its the same for everyone else out there. but the thought of being alone when ur facing these. i dont know if i will ever stop fighting. when i can let go and just let it be. i dont think i ever can.

i wanna hide. cos one day im there, the next day im not. its like time flies so fast. everything can be gone in a blink of an eye. im angry. im pissed. and i feel like there's noone to blame but myself. sometimes i just want to scream my head off. climb the highest mountain and just free myself. let all the anger out. all the bitterness. all the useless things i have tried. it was easiest to hide it all away. nothing's going to be ok. life is just life.

About Who I Am

Family - Means the world to me. Especially mum who has done everything in her power to make me a better person every single day.

Friends - I have two best friends and many acquaintances: Juliet and my sister Astrid.

God - Believe in one only. Catholic and proud to be one. The only thing that keeps me sane when the rest of the world is going insane.

People - Dont like many things about people, think human nature is the worst thing God invented.

Life - The world is a cruel place to live in, but beauty lies in the heart, soul and mind of any individual. Nothing can be compared to the beauty in one's self amidst all the chaos around them.

Money - Just want enough to live simply and comfortably. Don't believe in materialistic stuff or striking it rich.

Studies - My topmost priority. I study as hard as if my life depended on it. Hardwork is the key to my success.

Ambitions - To obtain my phD in science or be a doctor.

Goals - To never stop improving myself and to be a better person in life. To always respect my family and to always love and cherish those who have been there for me.

Inspirations - My mother, Mother Theresa, God. People who sees the best in every bad situation in life.

Loves - Writing, reading, literature, novels, history, theology, philosophy, psychology, poetry and humanities, chilling to music, reflecting by the beach/park. Watching sunset/sunrises. Star-gazing.

Personal likes - Travelling, good books, serenity and peace, simplicity and all things natural, adventures, exploration, doing logic puzzles and crossword puzzles.

Men and love - Still finding the one who can be my best friend, lover and soulmate. Been hurt too much and I dont wish to find anything less than what I solely deserve.

Believes - Believes that everything happens for a reason. Believes that we cant control everything and believes that God has a plan for everyone. Believes that not wanting everything, gives you everything. Believes in love, hope and faith with the most important one of all being love.

*Trying to find my balance in a multidimensional world.
*Trying to survive the sea of multifaceted people.

Free your heart from hatred.
Free your mind from worries.
Live simply.
Give more.
Expect less.

Remember..

Remember the first day we kissed? Remember the first day we had an argument? We apologised, and then we compromised and we haven't argued since. Remember the first day we stopped playing games? Remember the first day you fell in love with me? It felt so good for you to say those words cos I felt the same way too.

I know that he loves me cos he told me so. I know that he loves me cos his feelings show. When he stares at me, you see he cares for me, you see how he is so deep in love. I know that he loves me cos it's obvious. I know that he loves me cos it's me he trust and he's missing me, if he's not kissing me.
When he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul.

Back To Good - Jonathan Clay

Take a while
And take a breath
Let yourself down slow

Gather up your memories
Hold on to what you know
And everythings been moving way to fast
You thought that you found something that would last
And it passed

So if you find
That in your mind
Your putting up your guard

Trust me when
I say its not
Supposed to be this hard

Youll fall again
And it'll feel so fast
And every single fear you thought would last
It'll pass

And youll fall again
And it'll feel so fast
And every single fear
And every single fear
Will pass

Do I have to let go
And watch you walk away
And do I have to let go
And wish you would have stayed

I think Ill just play the part
I think Ill just play the part

It may take some time
Before you find that
Youre back to good again
Right where you should have been

And even though
The letting go
Can be the hardest part
I think its time you start

Living like youre loved again
I dont care where youve been
I wish you'd let me in
And show me how to get you
Show me how to get you back to good

Please Be Careful With My Heart - Jose Mari Chan & Regine Velasquez

i cant sleep, im tired, im lying in bed, the winds are howling outside, and the leaves are shuffling like crazy. but somehow, i feel like something is keeping me awake. maybe i just dont want to sleep, cos today has been a sufficiently alright day. i didnt study today, and thus i am actually enjoying my day off. but somehow, i still feel like something is amiss. tmr's another day, another day to being closer or farther then where i want to be. i love how i am always sure of my future, how i can always plan things out so meticulously and follow it so diligently. but the thing that really scares me is not knowing. waiting. like as if i need all the answers with me before i can do anything else. i hate idling around, i hate not being able to plan something in advance, and most of all i hate putting effort into things which i know for a fact isnt going to work, not that i am not trying hard enough, but its like, the world, and life is so unpredictable. i spend my whole life planning, organising, being a better somebody, but what if in the end all that is for nothing? what if in the end, i dont actually have something i can be truly happy about? what is happiness? it is the joy of success? what is success? i guess all these random unanswerable questions are keeping me up. i cant make the people who dont love me, love me. i cant be a different person to keep up with people's expectations. i cant be anyone else but me. but i feel like im losing myself, progressively. its like i dont know anymore what i really want out of life. the more i want something, the more it just doesnt seem to be, and what is really the point of working so hard, when ultimately it can only happen if its meant to happen. i thought i knew all the steps i had to take, but in the process of being that person, i lost who i am. who i truly am. its like i lost myself for a long time now. and i wonder if i can ever be that carefree, naive girl again. if i can ever let my hair down, and smile with that confidence, not caring about anyone else's thoughts of me. during my 1.5 years of independence here, it changed who i am. and im stuck with things that are familiar, cos im scared of the new me, of the new direction. i am scared i will lose it all before i even have a chance to begin. and i question myself all the time. whether all this will be worth it one day, whether the people i meet are the ones who will stick with me. whether anyone out there will stand up for me, and whether one day i can be myself again. life gives you what you want if ur honest with what u want out of life. thats the problem. people are so hard to trust, and when u decide to put ur heart out there, its a risk, a gamble. a stupid game of tug and war. i just want peace, love, hope and compassion. i dont want love that is not from within. love is from within, not when the situation needs you to be. i just am looking. no matter where i turn, im alone. and its harder when u are next to someone and still feel alone. i wish i knew what to do.

Keep Running Back - Jessica Mauboy

There are two kinds of people in this world. The ones that trust and the ones that dont. That makes people that are honest and people that arent. The ones that trust, are honest right from the beginning, and the ones that dont trust are not. The question is whether you can differentiate and identify that from the beginning or not. Cos if you can, that'll save you all the disappointment, hurt, regret and humiliation of thinking that you knew someone all along, when in fact that person was just not honest right from the beginning. But then again, being trustworthy and giving people the benefit of the doubt is one thing we can do, but that might risk later disappointment. And i think for most people, its easier not to trust.

"The truth has never been of any real value to any human being - it is a symbol for mathematicians and philosophers to pursue. In human relations kindness and lies are worth a thousand truths."

Wish You Enough

"When we said, 'I wish you enough, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them."

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye."

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them. Remember to tell your family and friends that you wish them enough!

To all of you reading this, I wish you enough. - Author unknown

Beautiful Beat - Nada Surf

The only reason I think why people are afraid of being alone is because when they are alone, they start to doubt themselves. They start to wonder if they can go thru it alone, if they can handle it all alone. If they'll fall apart if left to handle things alone. Maybe thats why people stick in rships they know they should get out of, completely denying the fact that they are unhappy and could do much better alone if they had just trusted themselves enough. They lie to themselves and in the end, they get hurt the most and gain nothing out of it. I've been down that road one too many times, so i know exactly how that is and I'm glad i came out of that and experience what its like to be happy being alone, and to trust myself at it. It took me probably a quarter of my life to realize that but i guess its better late then never. The road i was taking seemed to be narrower and narrower, not gaining anything, and reaching the end of the road with nothing. I'd rather take a road that could be wider and wider, and at the end who knows? Someone might just be there waiting for me. The hardest thing i learnt from my past is that, I'd rather be alone then be next to someone and feel lonely. It takes a whole lot more to accept who you are as a person, and come out of that comfort zone. Cos after all, who knows yourself better then you?

If you're really honest with what you want out of life, life gives it to you.