Back Here - BBMak

I love how my new room has a balcony that leads outside, where i am situated on the 2nd floor of my cosy unit. when i open my door and look into the clear darkness, i am happy and peaceful. when its nice and windy, i can enjoy looking at the leaves dance and frolick right outside my window and balcony, inviting me to dance with them, and when its still and lonely like tonight, the leaves hang down, understanding exactly how i feel. i have always appreciated the silence of the night, one of the things that bright busy singapore cant have. i love how the stars shine out in the black velvet sky, how i can peer up and see nothing but beauty staring right back at me. how i see the streets so empty, imagining myself running through the streets, like as if noone else was there but me. i love to enjoy my alone time, and i realised i miss that. i miss me. i realised how much ive changed and i dun like some parts which i changed too much. i used to be crazy and fun, not so solemn and quiet. so i guess now is the time for me to come out again. to enjoy what the world has to offer. its time for me to get out, and be me. there is a time for everything, and everyday that goes by, i am never more grateful for God and my mum to have given me this much to be here today. i tried so hard for things that werent important, or maybe i had just misplaced all my priorities. but when i look out my balcony enjoying the sweet smell of the light breeze kissing my cheeks, at least i know in time, everything heals. just as God promised.

in retrospect, i love how i did up my cosy little room, going to ikea today and buying all the furniture that makes me happy. the heat headache i got today was totally worth it. i love furniture shopping, and got myself a funky pink chair to match my white study desk. got myself a cute vase and a pink daisy to match my chair, put up my posters, and bought frames to frame up the most impt ppl to me. i love everything abt my room, the spiral staircase that leads to my room, the nice purple feministic carpet, and of cos my books, that makes me feel so proud to be a student at UWA.

everything has been ok so far, maybe for once i feel like im finally doing the right thing. first day of school was scary, i just realised how very very tedious final year is going to be. all the expectations, all the pressure. its like, i made it. to final year with no regrets. i just am so determined and so confident nothing is going to affect me this year, and how well i truly do, will really depend on me.

my aromatherapy oil is burning, sea breeze.. and its so nice. having this kind of solitary confinement, and feeling very peaceful about it. there are those thoughts that run thru my mind every now and then, especially when i watch tv on my laptop, and something or someone reminds me of.. but i tell myself, its all for the best. and some things are just not meant to be.

when i look around my room, all i see is i succeeded, in being happy, in doing what i want to do. its all i ever wanted, to be here and to get what i deserve. i deserve so much, and yet every single day i am grateful for all that i've got. whether it be good or bad, i know that everything happens for a reason, and noone, noone at all can tell me what my life is or what I am about. I can only tell myself that.

btw, i am planning to watch the phantom of the opera play. i feel a tinge of guilt cos the tickets costs 84 bucks. but heck, i think right now, a nice theatre play would really do wonders for my soul. i deserve it. cos i think after this week, the turmoil of hard work paying off begins. cant wait(: