Light In Your Eyes - Blessed Union of Souls

Its hard to sleep on nights like this, when everyone is asleep, and all you can see is the darkness, the amount of uncertainty as you try to fall asleep. i want to sleep, as i had a long long day, and all i want is to close my eyes and just sleep like a baby. but here i am typing a 10-page report on market data analysis, as i rather do this favour for a fren, her assignment, than lay in bed, stricken with thoughts, the masquerade of devious things that gets plotted in my mind, watching helplessly as the darkness engulfs me whole, and all i am is just a ghost, with no feelings, no one to watch out for, all i am is just someone who no one remembers, and its times like this, i feel so alone, as the loneliness creeps up on me, i rather do this report than go through all this tonight. not tonight, when i thought tonight will be a nice night, maybe it was saved by the beautiful city skyline lights and the stars, i can forgive tonight for being the way it is. but still, beauty so much in the skies, still cant be transcended into my aching heart. all i want is someone to put me to sleep, telling me softly that everything is going to be alright, and tomorrow will be a much better day... i keep telling myself that maybe im just expecting too much from the ones i love, maybe my way of seeing love, is seeing it for more then it is, cos i want to believe love is the answer to everything. but maybe im asking for too much, to love and be loved, becos love itself is a sacrifice. one, that not many are willing to make, cos of the hurt and pain that comes along with it. i know hurt so much that it has become an automatic defence in me, and sometimes, my defences are so strong, so much so that i end up losing what i had in the first place. its complicated i know, but its times like this, i can get my innermost thoughts and feelings out when everything is peacefully quiet and time is ticking so slowly, like as if everything i want is just slipping thru my fingers, and my best catch is to remain unfallen. i want to be catched when i fall, i want to know i have someone's hand to hold when im scared, someone's smile to enlighten my day, someone's comforting words to ease my fear, to release my insecurities, someone to assure me that im not crazy, im just in need of loving care. its hard to trust someone to give you all that, cos it sounds like a fairy tale to me, it probably doesnt exist. but i can still hope cant i? maybe if i hope hard and long enough it might come true.

i am so simple yet so complicated. i just wanted a someone, a someone to be my someone, but im asking too much. maybe i expect too much, and i feel like i can get it with the right person. the right one should be effortless, he says, if its too much effort, there comes a breaking point. and maybe as hurtful as it may be, its the best things to do, to prevent further damage. my heart aches with that dilemma, that thought, that sickening thought that plagues my mind, so much so that i cant eat, sleep, work or talk to my frens. and its eating me up whole, losing my mind, losing my self and losing all ive got. a fren. i just need 1 special fren. maybe its time i start growing up, i can only be who i am, and i am scared to trust anyone but myself. i hurt myself sometimes so much to understand what pain is like, but physical pain is just not the same as emotional pain. and maybe i am just thinking too much, i just need some sort of defining simplicity. i just needed someone.

so as my 10-page report continues, i guess making myself so dead tired is the best thing i can do for now. tomorrow will be another day. Good night world, the world needs you. I need you. I hope the light in your eyes never disappears..