Boys Don't Cry - Grant Lee Phillips

i always thought i was too complicated for anyone to understand me, until i met him. he drives me up the walls, and makes smoke come out of my ears, but isn't that always the case? the one you love most, is the one that will hurt you the most. and i think thats the reason why so many ppl are scared to be in love, scared to be committed to one person, cos instead of thinking of the great possibility of finding the one, we are more afraid of having our hearts broken and never to be healed again. like the old saying, "dont wait for the one, be that one for somebody". its like a love-hate kinda thing. when you want him, he cant be there, and when you're fine he's suddenly reappears. men. they're just a different species altogether.

i think i'm done crying, cos tears dont make u feel that much better. and once i start crying, i usually don't stop and i wont be able to get anything done. i keep myself occupied and get so tired that i dont think at nite, i just go to bed. i also found my very cheap alternative, watching 'how i met your mother' over and over again. i know the lines so well by now. but each time i watch it i never fail to laugh. and then i can start doing whatever i was supposed to do.

when my fam was here, i slept on the same bed with my sister, she told me she woke up cos i was shaking so much in my sleep, and she got worried and thought i was cold, so she threw a blankie over me and i woke up and yanked it away. i wasn't cold at all, but i think cos i do so much in the day, and don't give myself a time-out, my stress releases itself in my sleep. my mum thinks that too. i think i gotta start to relax a bit more, after all why worry about the things we cant control?

i never understood though why some people thought that by meticulous and obsessive planning and really long hard thoughts about the future would made them feel more secure, more comforted? i was a culprit once, a mega one. but i think living here changed me a little, living on my own and all, it made me appreciate what i have now, rather than what i cant predict in the future. i also relaxed a little on my studies, cos i wanted to also enjoy my time here and not become a study freak. i guess in a way, this aussie thing made me feel more receptive about the future, becos no one can ever predict whats gonna happen, and what we can do for today is just our best. everyday is a gift and everyday is a day in your life you will never get back.

i think i am just gonna focus on whats important rite now. and once things start happening for me, i will appreciate it instead of fighting against it.

it was lovely so so nice having mum astrid and darren here. it was the best 5 days in my aussie life, and i just felt absolutely contented to have my dysfunctional family back. we're dysfunctional and thats why i love it so much, we can be so open with each other, and my mum was beaming at me every time she looked at me. i really cant wait to come back in sept. (: its one thing to know your family are the only ones who will ever make you feel the happiest. and for now, i just wanna appreciate that simple fact.