I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

I have been so tired lately, its not really excusable cos school only just begun a week ago. Its been really hectic, and my 5 units this semester of overload isnt helping. I have 18 hours a week of school and i have 5 lecture clashes every week. I have to be at work from 1-10pm and i now need to hit my sales target at work cos my pay is being withheld at the moment since i din do any sales last week. I am so tired that i have to take double shot espressos in the morning and 'V' drink by lunch time which contains caffeine thats 5X stronger then a coffee bean. I wanted to sleep in so badly today but i have micro lab, and i din even look at my timetable and din realized i actually started sch at 10am today. I could have slept for an hour more. weather's been sunny this whole week, but the mornings and nights are still chilly. I feel so exhausted knowing i have so much to do, and basically knocking on doors from 3pm - 8pm every day doesnt help too.

I like customers tat are nice, sometimes when i sit there signing them up, some lonely ones will start chatting with me, and i feel like im in a nursing home, or some senior village. but ive met some pretty interesting ppl. like this guy who was born in 1912, man he was like thru WW1 and WW2. he was a fighter pilot and all and he was talking to me abt the wars. then there was this guy who was married to his wife for over 60 years. she passed away abt 13 years ago, and when he told me abt her, his eyes was moist. i nearly cried seeing this old man still missing his wife so much. he was talking to me abt his will and all. and when i meet this kind of customers, i just put my pen down and give them some attention even if i am chatting with them for over an hour.

my job by far is the most stressful, most time-consuming and most tiring one since i came here and started working, but strangely, its my best job. it sucks when u have a bad day, and there's noone to come home to, to tell anyone abt ur day. even how much i want to, when i see my bed, i just collaspe into it, and get up by 6am the next day so tat i can listen to my online lectures. i hate accumulating lectures and i like to relax a bit during weekends.

bus rides are one of my most fav thing now, cos seeing the sceneries go by keeps me calm in a way. i sometimes imagine he is right there beside me, knowing if he was, i can hold his hand and everything will just stay perfect. we love taking long bus rides together, and there are so many things i miss doing with him. lately things are a bit rough, maybe cos we were so used to seeing each other 24/7 for 5 weeks, and now its back to square 1 again. 2000 miles apart again. its like a big joke playing on me. and im at a loss now.

i think abt a lot of things, about people, friends and him. my family. i was so frustrated and wondered why i cant just know exactly what im here for, and tat will save me all the pain and trouble b4 findin out what i am here for. then i realized: You live your life to find your purpose, not find your purpose to live your life.

we're all afraid of what the future holds becos noone knows whats gonna happen. whoever's not afraid to live is a liar, and those who are afraid to live is a coward. we're all afraid of the unknown, and maybe you feel if you just think the worse of someone, it wouldnt hurt so bad if it really happened. but no matter what, at the end of the day, everyone makes mistakes and noone's perfect. and when i am made to feel like i have to be perfect, i mess up even more. my family esp my mum wants so badly for me to do everything right, she doesnt say it, but i know everything i do affects her. so i cant even talk to her if im feeling sad or home-sick cos then it'll affect her. i want to tell him everything, make myself feel im not alone and he's there. but he's afraid and i cant blame him. it was my wrong-doing, but then again what does it matter. if i do anything good at all, its studies. so i guess i will just continue my lethargy until nov. as for now im just very very tired, and i just need a break.