You Gotta Be - Melissa Desiree

And the saga continues... oh well, at least now i know..

So apart from the obvious, i guess life doesnt suck that bad right now, cos i kinda got back my motivation and got back my drive to study even harder now knowing that there is nothing to stop me from achieving my dreams now.. so i had plans to go to US to do my stem cell research, and after that travel for a bit before i finalize my career. looks like my plan is back on track, knowing fully now that my 2 years here in aussie has to be the best 2 years in my life, not only in terms of friends and fun but also my grades will determine my position in my dream. I realize how much i withhold my dreams for things or people, and i no longer want to do that. I proved my theory wrong and i actually feel very relieved. For probably 9 years since i started dating, i always thought id find what i thought i wanted and needed, but realized it was all a wrong theory. and its ok, because now that my theory is wrong, i no longer need to search for that one to prove my theory right. what theory u might ask? well thats for me to know and for you to find out. All i shall say is that dont ever look for someone based on a theory you have, cos people will prove your theory wrong and thats it.

So i enjoy my work, even though my 19 yr old-not-supervisor-but-act-like-one is a Bitch but its ok, cos i love going to work and letting everything go in one ear and out the other. Work makes me feel important cos at least im not on my lazy arse doing nothing. i mean who wouldnt want to get paid 21 bucks and hour? haha, yes yes 21 bucks an hour for my waitressing job. COOL. i got my first pay check and i earned 130 bucks for working 6.5 hrs!! haha. i love my job, love my new frens who are really cool. they look like hard core bitches but they're not, they just like to take it out on the new girl and i am fine with it, cos im only there to earn my dough dont really care if anyone likes me or not.

I am finally gonna sign up for my car too. Cant wait for that. Once i get my license its gonna be awesome. I saw this car in some person's front lawn today and it looked like it went through a thunderstorm and back but there was a huge sign on it. $600. Man if i can get the car now i would, then just get my aunts son whos quite a talented mechanic to fix it up... Smiles. Cant wait till he returns, at least i can get free car maintenance. haha.

I was so bored in the bus today, and so i decided to think about my future rather then my past. whats done is already done, and i love my friends who are there for me right now. I really want to pursue my dream to work in the US. California to be specific, cool Arnold Schwarzenegger... Haha, but ya i never felt more determined about my dream cos now i can do it without feeling i am leaving anyone behind. I also made another major decision in my life, but i wont say it here as i know some people who hear it wil laugh and tell me i cant do it. But i can and I will. Thats why i am telling myself now, today that I will MAKE THAT HAPPEN. No one else besides me needs to know.

I got my chem results, the one i didnt study for but conveniently allowed my eyes to wonder in class, man the 2 ppl beside me are smart asses. They let me get 4/5! Awesome.... Haha. To think i did not study for it cos of the way i felt then. It all seems so long ago now and so wrong. And moving on will be the best thing i can do for myself. Studies first, family, friends and then my USA dream. Loved calling up my old frens in Spore. All seemed so happy to hear from me, its nice to know i am missed... I miss everyone too.

Also i FULLY RECOMMEND everyone to watch 'the other boleyn girl'. I love watching really damn good movies, though i din have anyone to call right away and blabber on about the movie, but i cant get the story line out of my head! Its a freaking good show everyone MUST watch... Scandalous and i dont know if its a true story... If it were, man evil-ness goes back a long long way...

Life's ok. And my 4 hr conversation with crazy sehar was all worth it. We were always connected somehow, no matter how many years we din talk to each other, we always think of each other and somehow i will call her just as she was thinking of me. Speaking to her for so long (the day before my test) was damn fun. it made me rem why i was frens with her in the first place. She's my oldest fren, all the way back from pri sch.. ((:

And juls, she doesnt even need to try to crack me up, her stories are enough to make even the most grumpiest person laugh. She's my bitch. Love her to bits and pieces.

So for now, it doesnt matter what happens in the short term, what you should look forward to is the long term. We can only do our best today for a better tomorrow. Everything happens for a reason, and my reason is starting to show. It will get better in time, and now i can 100% concentrate on getting my best grades. I know i am different and i dont expect anyone to accept me fully for who i am, cos i know i am a very difficult person. But i know i have what it takes to achieve my dream. California will be in the long run. And my travelling.. Cant wait. Simply cant wait.