its been a long while since ive updated my blog. and i hate to think of the reason as to why im doing so. its 3am in the morning, and the weather's nice and cool to go to bed. but for some reason, the whole idea of climbing into bed, with the darkness and the quietness, i somehow rather stay up. cos once i get to bed, i know ill start to think, and then ill start to cry. so in a way i rather stay up, so maybe i can avoid the thinking in bed part and the crying part.

once again, my blog's the only non-living thing i can vent my frustrations out, my lonely feelings, my negative feelings without fear of someone just telling me otherwise. i dunnoe how things got so bad, or maybe i knew, but i wanted to pretend it wasnt happening, cos time spent was more important. i was wrong. time is nothing, if i ignore all these other things. time was only borrowed. it isnt mine at all.

i cant sleep, and there's only one person in the entire world i wish to talk to. but i cant.