Selfish vs Selfless

When do you know to be selfish and when to be selfless?

From Merriam Webster, the definition of

selfish-
: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

selfless-
: being unselfish and generous; magnanimous; kind-: characterized by a noble or forbearing spirit, liberal in giving.

So there, we have the theoretical definitions for both words. what about the "life" definition? We can fully agree in these two definitions but when we're granted with life cards, who can follow a definition?

To me, selfish can have two meanings. Though we all know selfish mainly as doing something for one's benefit or pleasure without regard for others, another meaning i feel is-

: being selfish to protect one's self.

it may have a very shallow sound to it, but its a life fact. Its sound as it is because we are all selfish whether we are selfish for the right or wrong reasons, that should be the main issue. We all do things because we want to know we can somehow benefit out of it, and that doesnt make us bad people straightaway. it makes us human. Yes, its controversial and oxy-moronic.

There are very extremely selfless people i heard of, one being Mother Theresa. And most mothers are selfless for their children. But what about the normal everyday people, what about most of us. Maybe it sounds very defensive but i honestly truly believe that people can be selfish for the right reasons. When your pushed to a corner with no other alternative, even if you know in your conscious mind it is very selfish, but yet you still do it.

what i feel is that you cannot be a pleaser. You cannot do everything for everyone at every circumstance, every reason. You have to know how to balance being aggressive when you need to. Its like being able to differentiate between pity and sympathy. And yes, they are two different things. But i shall not go into that. I feel that no matter what decisions you make, no matter what choice, there will ALWAYS be someone who wont agree with the way you chose to do something. And its not necessarily those ppl who disagree with you are your enemies, they could be the person closest to you. And at that point of time, its harder to follow your decision, because we all want reassurance, we all want to feel that what we're doing is the right thing. We all want to feel accepted and approved. No one is a one man's man. Everyone depended on someone's feelings or thoughts, or comments on something. Unless you're really that high up there that you dont need anyone. Then i must say you're God.

So back to selfish vs selfless. When to be selfish and when to be selfless? I agree that the "regarding people" plays a huge role in the main difference between these two. We are either selfish or selfless because of the person/people involved in it. I for one, really dont know how to explain the difference between these two words. I only know that,

we are selfish when we do something for ourselves for our own happiness at the expense of another person's happiness. When we completely disregard that person's feelings for entirely our own benefit.

and we are selfless when we sacrifice our happiness for the happiness of someone else. When we totally put ourselves at a vulnerable position, where we completely disregard our own benefit just so someone else can benefit.

So is there a grey side to selfish vs selfless. Or is it completely black and white? All i know is that when you think you're being selfish for something, think hard about what you will be benefiting out of it. next, think about whether your benefit will directly hurt someone.

But when you do it to protect yourself, is is considered being entirely selfish?

There are always two sides to a coin, in every situation. Think about it both ways, and the obvious will soon come out. We cant be governed by definitions to lead us in life, if we do, then we'll just be floating without a specific goal in life. But when you want to redefine things and not follow the crowd, we can only be governed by one thing -instincts. So do what you think is right, and dont be too affected by what others tell you. Cos no one person out there knows yourself best. That person will never know 100% what you faced and went through in life. So if you think you're doing things for the right reasons, as long as its not hurting anyone directly, be selfish, no, be instinctive all you want. After all, all we want is to be happy, and to feel secured. We cant please everyone. We cant succumb to what society wants. We just gotta be us, i just gotta be me.