Map Without a Compass

sometimes, we have to make decisions for ourselves. decisions that is not influenced by peers, friends, culture, character, society and other people's opinions. sometimes we need that time, that one thing, that one moment that makes you realise everything that was hanging there, just waiting for your actions to act upon it. we are all aware of what we need to do, what we must do, but as humans we have developed that fear of making the wrong choice, thus we rely on external sources, we look at our friends, at people and judge our actions according to them. but what we're missing here is that each and every one of us are presented with very different cards of life, no matter how similiar you think you are with someone, what we go through is essentially unique to you and you alone. we are so afraid of making any wrong decision that we'd prefer to ask someone else's opinion so that if it doesnt work out, we can nicely blame that person. we do this so we dont have to feel guilty at making a wrong choice. but essentially, the more we do this, the more empty we feel. because all the decisions are baseless, with no ultimate mean and reason, and so our decision is an empty one, and we never ever learn.

i have to learn to trust myself and believe in myself. i have to learn to give myself that credit, and that not everyone is better than me. i need to know that what i choose, is gonna be right and true. i cant have the perfect choice all the time, but thats the beauty of life. we all have that chance to either have a great ending or a mediocre ending. but whatever choice and decision we make, a mistake should not be judged as wrong, it just means we havent found the right answer.

i found my answer and i am going to trust this feeling, whether i like it or not. being out here damn teaches me not to be such a wuss and to really just accept things no matter how hard. i cant give up now, and i wont. i know tat even if it may seem so slim, so tiny and minute of succeeding, but even if that chance is not 100% gone, i will go for it. becos as much as that chance may seem so small, but if i can believe in that hope no matter how small, i know i have that perseverance. at the end of the day, it will pay off. i just need to be patient and continue to have faith.

i love him and though it took me that much to realize it, at least i did. and i will do whatever it takes to make this work. no matter how much is stacked against us. and i will do well for my studies, cos i wont give up even if it seems so hard now. I WILL DO IT.