High and Dry - Radiohead

i love having long long talks with him. esp in long long bus rides.

we always talk things out no matter how uncomfortable, how upsetting, how interrogative, how indicative, how indecent, we always talk things out. i can tell him anything in the world and know he wont look at me differently, he wont laugh at my very ambitious dreams, he wont criticize or give even the slightest bit of judgement when i tell him something bad about myself. and when i'm telling him how stressed out i feel, he doesnt even try to give me solutions or blame himself for failing to make me happy. he just holds my hand and strokes them slowly while listening to me very intently and sincerely.

we can talk about anything from politics, to world news to music and to celebrity gossip. we talk about geography and the world map, we talk about countries and cooking, we talk about life in general, money, love, jobs. anything, you name it. he's my best friend. my companion. my chillax buddy. my listener. my boyfriend. what more can a girl ask for.

i just wish the irony of it all wasnt so big and wasnt rubbing in my face every time i think about us. its sad enough that when i finally feel 100% in tune with a guy, 100% sure and 100% happy, i have to leave and i dont know if i'm gonna come back. neither can i be so selfish as to ask him to come over for he has his own responsibilities and obligations here in spore.

Love- it is always complicated and never predictable.
i was asking him, why bother then? why bother searching for love, looking for someone to love and be loved back, why even bother to look at another human being knowing love is so difficult and undefinitive? we both had no answers. i guess its just that way. its the way life works. like i said before, if you want to know why love when you know it might not work or you might get hurt, my question back at you is why live at all then if we know we're all gonna die in the end? why bother living healthy, eating your vitamins, not smoking, not drinking da da da.

i guess its all bout going into the unknown. you see, noone can predict whats gonna happen in the future. noone is certain, no matter how freaking psychic you are, noone is 100% certain of the future. thats what makes it so scary yet endearing at the same time. its the knowing the unknowing. its the unreliability and unpredictability of it all. here's when you can see it as half empty or half full. it has a 50/50 chance of being good or bad. and we all can only do so much today that will affect tomorrow. but other situations and circumstances that happens which are not within our control. what do we do then?

thats when faith and hope comes in.
faith makes you believe in the unseen, makes you feel certain about something without a single doubt. its a belief. hope complements it by making sure you remain by that belief.

everything always works out in the end. dont push for it, and it will come to you. dont rush for it, it will come to you. dont look for it, it will come to you. just do what you can do today, to make tomorrow a better day. you reap what you sow. improve what you can today so by tomorrow you would have improved by a little. bit by bit, the whole picture forms, and suddenly u realize you've made it. and you will look back on that journey of self-believe and know that you did it, it was possible, and it worked out. it builds your character.

suddenly, life gets easier to travel on, knowing you've already felt how it feels to believe, suddenly problems which used to affect you greatly looks smaller. everything feels lighter. you skip to the beat and tune of life. you wake up, smell the morning dew, hear the leaves rustle, the birds chirping, the sun shining. and you take it all in, then u tell yourself~ life's good.

so dont worry. it always works out in the end.

when he spoke to me about his problems, that level of trust he gave me to tell me something like that, i know how much i mean to him. i really appreciate him telling me whats been bothering him, and talking it out with me. i'm absolutely relieved and glad to know it wasnt becos of me. paranoia in girls. cant be helped. haha.

so i shall not worry about my future. i will just do what i can do today to make my tomorrow a better day.
~life's good. (: