Alicia Keys-No one

its finally midweek. and i can look forward to my one day make up public holiday this week. friday sounds exciting, cant wait to spend an entire day w him. but too bad he has to work during the weekend. Grrr...

everything's been very smooth and all's good. i absolutely love everything now, its just a feeling thats inexplicable. i cant seem to find the right words to describe what i'm feeling. maybe its new, or maybe for once, i finally feel like i can be under the cover of someone else. i was so sick and tired of constantly having to make decisions for other guys, so sick of making all the effort and just seeing it go down the drain, so sick of not wanting to share my woes with them cos i know all they'll say is 'oh ok'. for once i can breathe like a normal human being, and for once in my life, i am happy, truly happy. not happy for the temporary things, but just a calm knowing kind of happy. and the amazing part, is that i actually trust this feeling.

he took us out for dinner last nite. mum bruce and i. and we had delicious turkish food with tuesdays half price waffles at gelare after that for dessert. i think i never saw mum and bruce talk that much to a bf before. bruce is forever skeptical and like he wont bother talking much except small talk. guess every dad is like that. but no, not for him. he was shooting off like a bullet train and he actually din even realise it was 10 already until i told him. as they went on and on about politics, expats, property, current affairs, world affairs etc, i just sat there and smiled. and mum, she never looked more happy to share about her work, and her travelling and all her other experiences. i think he did GREAT. he was so natural, and the air felt so right. it was like as if we've all been doing this for years. for once i din have to crack my brains to think of topics to talk abt, i din have to bridge any gap, i just took a back seat and enjoyed everything. i had a most memorable time. and i know my parents did too. thanks ((:

and so i've decided, i shall put my project on hold for the next year or so. i think all along i knew this already, that i din really know what i wanted to do, but i got brainwashed by myself, and i made myself believe that if i dun leave now, i'll NEVER get my degree. but mum has been saying this to me all this while, to explore my options, work first and see if this is what i really wanna do. i'm not one of those ppl who has such foresight and accomplished what they set out to do. i cant be like Donald Trump or what not. but i'm happy. cos at the end of the day thats what matters. being happy. not whether i got that job i wanted, not whether i aced my final year. its more about just living day by day, enjoying what life has to offer, and what comes, then i decide. there's no possible way i can plan my future and follow it blindly. cos i dun wanna be one of those ppl who cant kick back and relax, i dun wanna be one of those rat race 9 to 5 ppl whose expression is dead, i dun wanna be one of those ppl who climb all the way to the top, and realise oh shit i have nothing left. i guess i just wanna do what i can for now and give it my best shot and if my best shot brings me to some place i know i'll be happy, then i've accomplished my goal.

and heck, i no longer am gonna go with the tide of what everyone wants me to do anymore. even if i'm the first person in my family in generations to do science, i know that i've always been happier doing arts. english literature, writing, communication stuides, linguistics, history and geography. i love the arts. and if thats what gonna make me happy, then i know i wont regret choosing arts when i go to aussie. ((: