Worlds Apart

today i initially felt breathless. like i was runnin and running and not taking any moment to look back or stop to see where i'm going. i just ran, as far as my legs could carry me. i shed the tears, i shook my heart into place. i never looked back and i kept looking forward. i felt drained. and i felt like i can no longer carry on. i did what i did and i thought it would be enough. but then meeting him made me realize alot of things. I needed a reminder. a push. just some "validation" as he puts it.

i realised that all this while, i had it going for me. i was succeeding in little ways then i've known. i had been going in the right direction and the right pathway all this while. i had just come across a roadblock. a wall. a setback. and this was my call. my call as to whether i'll give up or take a deep breath and continue the journey. noone ever said the journey of life was gonna be easy. in fact it becomes hard just when everything is going well. when everything seems to fall in place, when u feel u have done ur best and the results start to show. u then start to be vulnerable again cos u are afraid this feeling of satisfaction will be tested. and that's precisely what happens. ur satisfaction gets tested for faith. as to whether u can continue to the next stage. u did it. u passed the first stage of taking that step into a new journey. but the second stage, is when the self doubt comes in. when the questioning comes in. when the faith and believe come in. cos without stage two, the journey is as good as not even started. thus i am in this stage. i felt powerless. felt like i was being tested. felt a driving force but yet a pull so strong that kept me from moving forward.

what i had felt was fear. fear of rejection and failure. but as he said, if i dun even try i'll never know. maybe i would succeed but noone can tell what the future brings. all we can do is try, and if it turns out right then count ur blessings and be happy. if it doesnt, then at least its a valuable lesson all worthy to be learnt from.

i have settled whatever was messing up my mind. i sat down had a nice talk with him. and it make me realized that i was only making excuses for myself. i was only preventing myself from moving forward cos i had convinced myself i couldnt do it. but the power of the mind is so intriguing and so simple. if i can convince myself i cant do it, i can also convince myself i can do it. i need to focus, know that i got the passion and the "it" factor to pursue what makes me happy. i need to appreciate all the things thats happening to me now cos it'll be the fuel to my success. its all about perspective. how u perceive it. as long as u had one mindset and one goal, noone can tell u otherwise. but it takes practise to constantly tell urself u can do it. and to not give up when everything seems so wrong.

there's so much for me to do. and i need to get started right away. tmr is another great day. and life couldnt get any better then this.