Say Its Possible

I wasnt the one he wanted to speak to when he was feeling his worse. sometimes i question what kind of gf i am, if my own bf cant come to me when he's feeling down. i try so hard to be so damn perfect and set so high expectations for my damn future, but in the end i am stepping on all the things i have rite now. i expect so much from everyone, from him, from myself. no one expects me to be perfect but i myself try so hard to impress everyone, to make everyone see im ok. but i end up doing exactly the opposite. i have problems making new frens, contrary to how it seems to everyone, i feel so alone sometimes. the only person who really really gets me is him, astrid and juliet. and yet i cant even do anything to get him. i push him to being this person. i force him to forget things, but u cant force someone to do that.. why is it ppl can forgive but not forget? maybe i am tasting my own medicine now and i hate how bitter it tastes.. i am so hard on myself and everyone, and all i need is to know he's always there for me, but i cant expect that cos ive hurt him too much in the past, and now he needs time. but its hard, hard to let someone like him go, even for a while. i know how that sounds and how every girl now must be shaking their head, saying no no, u cant be like that.. but u know what, im sick. sick of all the girl rules, all the mind games, all the 'making him feel this and that'. im sick of playing the game. i just want to be with someone, one person, and not feel like its a game of who can last longer without talking to the other.. damn i hate being here rite now. i hate my housemate, and i hate being away from home. i just want things to be better. i just need someone. i just dont want to be alone.