Endless Promises

we always want what we cant have.
the things we dont want are always in abundance, and the things we want are always scarce. its like as if life likes playing jokes on us, making us do countless merry-go-rounds, only to end up exactly where we started.

my best friend, my companion, my lover. it all ended too prematurely. when we both knew we had each other's best interest, the only way out was to free the one you love. why does it always end up this way? i have no answer for my life, noone can answer it for me as well.. for everyone who ever did wrong to me or to my life, he made it seem worthwhile. all the shit i had to go through was finally paying off, just by being with him. and as if my history wasnt ugly enough, to him i was perfectly imperfect. he didnt even care about what happened in the past, and i, the most i could do, was to make him as happy as i can. for once what i felt din matter, cos i wanted him to be happy. i had to choose to let him let me go.

its lonely here, it gets scary. you dont know what the next person is thinking, and being a girl, has so many limitations. but i suppose this is the journey i chose to take, i have to suck it up and go through it. i am no longer a small nice girl.

i loved him like no other. and being here without him brings out the ugliest side of me. the pressure, the normalcy of some people while others are as havoc. the contradictions and the baseless assumptions. they all add up to nothing. and him, not being here to share the ups and downs really makes me feel empty. i'm taking this all too seriously, for my own good. but if i dont do it, who will? noone will clean up my mess. i will only have myself to blame.

thank you, for being that one to open up my heart, even my mistakes seem worthwhile to have met you. but i know i cant shake off my responsibility. every action has a consequence, and i am sorry if i was never up to the mark. you've made me the happiest.

nothing to look forward to in 3 months time anymore. June will be a sad month...