Freedom

Last night as i tossed and turned in bed for the dunnoe what night in a row already, i just couldnt get myself to sleep. why? cos i think so much that even if my body is tired, my mind will still think and think and in the end i would be tossing and turning for one hr before i eventually doze off. but strangely, or amazingly, the thing that kept me up last night wasnt about the thing i've been thinking about since it happened two weeks ago. last night, i was kept up.. bcos i couldn't stop thinking of all the positive things that happened to me today. the list went on and on, and as i sat there feeling like i was on top of the world, i thought of all the qoutes and inspirational stories from www.wow4u.com. this site is AMAZING. it tells you of ppl who got up again, ppl who are suffering, poems qoutes, stories, u name it. they got it. i feel glad that i came across this webbie, cos just spending one whole day copying qoutes and reading inspirational stories, i felt a boost of great energy. and i loved the feeling.

Yesterday, my sis came and fetch me from work to go to my bike shop. i wanted to tow my bike to another shop cos they were taking utterly long in fixing my bike. my sis came along with me and we had a nice dinner at sgoon north. the duck rice there is superb. ate $3 plus soup. yums! and as i sat there telling her what has been gg on in my life with someone, she just kept asking why u bother, why make urself suffer. and she's one heck of a person who DOES NOT believe in self-pity. she too just recently became single. and at first i though she din look sad cos she din care much of the relationship. but i was so wrong. my sister is one heck of a rock. a strong woman. who cares no less for someone who treats her like crap. the old me would have become defensive and say something like "you dun understand". but i just kept quiet and listened to her. and as i did, i felt like in control. for e first time, i cared abt what someone else had to say. and 2 minutes later i laughed and told her something funny that happened at work. and we walked ard sgoon nth and bought a nice shoe together. (:

i went home and my siblings were about to leave the house for dinner. so i followed them, and i sat down with my bro, his guy fren, my sis and her bf. we all had a good time just hanging out and laughing at my bro's fren. cos he was like on dope or something, and everytime he spoke it sounded so comical. haha. felt nice. later when we went back the four of us watched chinese show together. so nice. my mum and bruce is not home, any child would want to go out and have a gd time outside. but not us. we four sat there and laughed together, enjoyed tv together. and i sat there wondering, wow how many ppl would take this for granted. watching tv w ur siblings. and we were so united. one took out a cig, and the whole room lit up. haha. was quite hilarious. and i then told them, hey lets have a four outing again. lets go watch spider man 3 together. they must think i'm mad. but i truly felt good at home yesterday. and even though i dun get along well w my elder sis, i feel she's growing up. she hugged me a few days ago and i cried on her shoulders. and she just comforted me abt my loss. she melted my heart away.

i sat there wondering to myself, if only the chinese show wouldnt end in one hr. but then another part of me said, its better to have this one hour of wholesomeness then none at all. and i agreed.

thus when i went to bed that night thanking the Lord for all the good ard me. i realised one thing. being happy is a choice. and i chose to be happy. i din choose to wallow in self-pity. and i focused on the things i had, rather then the things i din have. "Its always better to lose count of your blessings then lose count of your blessings counting your troubles". i felt at peace. felt like i finally made it. finally understood my adversity. and e more i think about it, my adversity was merely an inconvenience. it wasnt even a real problem. i slept well last nite, no dreams. no pain when i woke up. i felt happier. i felt safer. and i felt God in me.

And i know my road will be bumpy. my journey has begun and there are gonna be tree vines that'll make me trip and stumble. there's gonna be bottomless pits then i'll fall into. there's gonna be fences with barbed-wires. and there will always be beasts lurking in the shadows. but all i gottta do is get up when i fall. and look straight at the horizon where my dreams are.