Shayne ward- If thats ok with you

haha, what a start to a friday morning! a little black mouse was running loose and was scurrying around the research office and watching the comical sight was hilarious. all doctors and scientists on fours searching for this little black mouse. i just looked at them and ask myself, man this ppl are doctors! the little mouse was a smart one, it knew it was gonna have its eyes gorged out so it escaped! and i was just imagining if only i could witness my big boss jump around and scream and maybe climb on top of a chair. that would have been priceless. Fresh start to a boring day, so not looking forward to my influenza jap later on. oh well at least its free, cant complain.

i miss my little sister. shes on holidays now which means she'll work like a dog and on her off days she'll sleep like a pig, and if she's not sleeping she'll be staying out with her frens. man i hate it when she's on holidays. i feel like i havent spoken to her in weeks. and when i wake up for work the next day and hear her cough so badly, i wish i could take care of her and nag at her to not stay out so late. sobs. i miss my sister... and i miss home. i havent been home much for a while, not that i have a problem with that, but i guess since i'm a homely person, i cant be away from home too long b4 i feel the need to just stay at home and entertain my fam. miss seeing mum and bruce squabble over the littlest things and miss my irritating brother. i just miss the missable things. things we take for granted. things we think will always be there. time is never enough, and when u dun cherish ur love ones esp ur fam, when its too late to do that, you'll regret like hell.

just finished reading 'mitch albom for one more day'. man he's an excellent writer. not only does he keep it short and sweet, but after reading his books, u always have to spend some time rethinking what he just wrote abt. and this book was abt family. and it made me think abt some things in my family. the kind of love the mother had shown. and how we all take our mothers for granted. i was guilty of that once. but at least it took me 18 years before i realised that i love my mum and all she has done for me.

works been absolutely boring to the core. i mean everyone says i'm so lucky that i have nothing to do and i can just chill out at work. but when u are in a lab with a computer that has censorship for games, friendster, chatting and all that. man even having a comp is useless. but luckily they din censor blogspot. if not i'll just scream myself while counting the amount of dust particles in my lab. i might as well be watching paint dry. but at least next week, my boss has agreed to allow my colleague to teach me something new. i've been itching to get my hands on ANYTHING. as long as i have SOMETHING to do. yeh yeh.

i cant wait for chris to come back to sg. man she missed out on ALOT of gossip and girl talk. she's my bestest girlie gf. haha. we're always like tai tais when we go out, go shopping and dress up, go for manis and massages, go for high tea and so on.. she's my girlie gf. and i miss doing all that with her! CHRISTINE CHIN. make sure we catch up real good once ur back! must know all abt cute aussie guys... ;P

and well. my love life. what can i say? i am happy. very very happy. cos i missed out on being with someone for ever so long. i missed out on the courting game. i missed out on the shy feeling in the beginning. i missed out on the guy sending me home. i missed out on the meet the parents. i love having all that in my life again. as much as it brings me colours. i still feel this gnawing feeling at the back of my head. its like taunting me. claire u dun deserve happiness... ur better off alone. when u cant corrupt or make another person's life miserable. and the more i try to fight this stupid thought out, the more it manifests out. and poor him. he thinks its all his fault. he thinks i'm getting bored of him. he thinks i need space. which i dun deny that i do. but its ONLY because, i need recharge. i can be the life of a party for that long, i can club and drink the nite away for that long, i can stay out playing poker endlessly for only that long, then i need to reabsorb. i need to recuperate. my body starts to feel tired. and my mind will start to think subconciously. and then thats when i start craving for peace and quiet. i start to slow down. i need to sit down and not think abt anything. i just need to develop my inner sense before i go all out again. i get burned out. from having so much emotions all at once. i was so so happy. and it was so so overwhelming. and i need to slow down, ok claire control ur emotions before they get wacky. so thats that. its nothing to do with me being bored with him. its just me, i need my spacing out every now and then. cos i'm a super emotional person. and i crave for some self assurance every now and then.

and so, i wanted to talk about the meaning of the word responsibility and commitment. but i'll leave that for another day. cos this entry is getting too long.

and also, everyones been asking me if i know it cant last all the way, why even start it? but my response is, why live your life then if you know you're gonna die in the end?

For now, i'm missing him. and i hope he knows that i cant wait to see him. (: