Goo Goo Dolls- Better days

i had a plan. a very simple straightforward no fuss, do or dun do type of plan. i knew what i wanted, how i wanted it and why i wanted it. when i want it seems to be the big question now.

somehow i feel that maybe i'm just expecting too much, maybe i'm just thinking too much. i mean my plan, i did it initially cos i had to get my butt to work on something, i din want to idle away into the backgrd. din wanna forget what i can achieve if i really put my mind to it and yet sometimes, i feel so lethargic and exhausted. i wanna stop and look at all the nice things ard me and say hey actually i've got a really good life, why am i so intent on moving on so quickly when i can stop to smell the roses. but then if i do stop, i'll feel this sense of panic wash over me, like as if, if i stop now, i wont achieve what i set out to do. my life revolves ard time. its time that drives me. time that determines my plan and character. i'm always rushing, i'm always on the go. and the very few and rare times i get to slow down, enjoy the breeze from the beach, feel the wind blow my hair and kiss my cheeks, feel my feet stretch over nice green grass and have someone to enjoy all that with me, i feel so amazing. like i'm refreshed and i feel invigorated with all the new senses, and i just dun wan to stop or move on. i rethink my schedule, rethink my plan, overlook the loop holes and start all the questioning again. should i carry out my plan for next semester. or stay and wait. at least till astrid is done with school. i mean i know i definitely will miss her like crazy if i leave without her. and what about work, my stem cell project. maybe i need more experience. maybe i dun have to rush my degree. maybe just maybe i can slow down for once. and enjoy life's little goodness. all i know is that my heart is feeling this way, and it has never felt this way in a long long time. i wish i could control it, but i know myself better. when i feel all this, i know i just wan to feel all of it. i just need reassurance. someone to tell me its ok to slow down, ok to do what my heart tells me, ok to not get a degree right now, ok to stay in sg and get some experience and wait for my sister..

how i wish. i could get that reassurance. i wish i could be more mentally prepared for all this. i wish i could just ignore all of life's goodness and trough forward like a bull who sees red. i wish, i knew what i was doing...