Gabrielle- Dreams can come true

i'm feeling woozy. like i had too much to drink, and the alcohol is getting to my head. like when i drink i initially feel extremely happy and free, and then the alcohol starts to kick in, and i start to feel dizzy.. the happiness starts to sink, not to sadness, but it just sinks to baseline level and i realize that it was just the effect of the alcohol. and soon i'll feel woozy and i start to prepare for that big hang-over the next day. its feels a bit like life. u feel happy initially when something really good happens in ur life, but eventually u have to be ready for that big-hang over that will inevitably come. i just hate that part. if only we can remain happy forever...

i kinda feel that way now except without the alcohol. i'm feeling the effect wearing off, maybe its temporary or maybe i'm being me as usual. i cant accept it when i'm happy, too happy. cos when i'm too happy, i start to feel scared about the down part. i mean we all cant stay happy forever, we eventually have to come down, and i blame myself each and everytime i come down, though it should be a natural thing and i should accept it as part of life. but i dunnoe. i expect so much shit. and i expect so much from everyone, but my worst enemy is myself. i'm scared of me. cos i know i can one minute want something, and the next minute i'm questioning myself incessantly. i've always loved things to be simple and basic. but somehow life throws curveballs at me from every angle. and at times i just feel so contradictory. feel so ungame.

i think i'm starting to smell fear. fear of having something great in my life, but have it suck out from under my nose once again. why cant i just live life normally with no expectations. why do i expect so much from the outcome. why cant i accept it that good and bad things will inevitably happen. why cant i trust whats happening to me? i doubt myself so much, and that wall i put up to protect myself is so high up then i dun see any ray of light passing thru.

i wanted to trade fear for trust. but can i?