Life isnt a bed of roses

i've been trying to focus on the task at hand, that mini project which i was so determined in completing. i have done about 25% of it already, and still it seems like i've never even started. i know it was all about staying faithful and diligent, and keeping the hope alive. and i want to. but i feel the draining effect again. of whether i should continue to do it. why do i allow things to bother me so much. why do i care so much abt what might happen or what other's would think. why am i afraid.

fear drives us to do things we never thought we could even imagine, it drives us to step up and to be courageous. fear is the driving force, cos without fear, u wont feel the motivation to do it. so why do we fear fear. cos fear is the opposite of love. love is fear. and fear is love. when we love we fear, bur when we fear, we can also love. if u dun accept fear in your life, u dun accept love.

i wish someone could tell me what does all this means, why we can never be with the ones we really love. why we have to suffer, and go through pain. go through life knowing it has all kinds of things in store for u. my heart yearns and its weak. i dun wanna go thru it being an aimless nothing. i just wanna be me, i just wanna love.

i cant stand my feelings. i cant stand missing you the way i do. i cant stand thinking abt that smile, that laughter, that hold and touch. i cant stand the way i think abt u. all u do is drive me crazy. and i am tumbling down.

if only u knew, if only u could see, if only u could help.

expecting is easy, but predicting is difficult. most of the time, we predict what we expect. but 99% of the time, what we expect is unpredictable. forgive me, for i feel like the biggest idiot in the world.